we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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