Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
