Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
