My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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