I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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