someone threw a dead crab at me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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