barbara walters just said penis...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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