then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
