i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize