Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
