Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
