I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
