all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
