im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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