Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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