You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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