My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I could fuck to npr.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
