I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
