i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
