.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
