Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
