i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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