What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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