i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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