so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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