Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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