My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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