I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
