He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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