it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
