found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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