did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
