He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
