Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
