We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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