I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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