this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
