so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
