worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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