Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
