i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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