i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
