All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
