so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude. I can hear the air.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
