She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
