My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.