she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
