Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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