New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
