i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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