Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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