So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
