I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
