Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
