I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
