Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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