So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
