Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
