Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
