I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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