girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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