careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
