Non-Jews are for practice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
