so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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