If i could tip my vagina, i would.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How external is "for external use only"?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
