I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
