No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
