He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
