My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
