If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
