i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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