Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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