Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
