I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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