Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
