To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i believe in u and ur pee
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
