Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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