I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
