Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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